Being an ABCD (American Born Confused Desi), I have had the opportunity to experience different aspects of culture when discovering my own identity. Am I American because of my passport status, or am I South Indian because of my blood, my features, and the languages I speak. Truth be told, being American in this day and age is a blessing as well as a curse.

Growing up in a school where I was the only Hindu in my grade made it difficult to accept my Indian culture. It is familiar for most ADCB’s to be made fun of for their food, the way they ‘smell’, the fact that their parents are stereotyped to work jobs that fit into certain categories. I distinctly remember instanced where I was told that I was going to hell because of my religion, which I at the age of 13 honestly didn’t even know much about myself. This eventually changed over time as I grew to love my culture more and more. As I grew into myself, left home for college, left the country, witnessed different places, I realized that I felt more centered in my Indian identity.

Hearing my dad tell me stories of his days in Hounslow in the UK, cooking in a small kitchen and living in accommodation that barely fit 5, I realized that he also faced an identity crisis, when trying to adjust. As an immigrant parent, having experiences that focus on creating an individual identity that is different from the familiarity you were raised in is something that is very crucial and apparent when you raise your children. And I would say I turned out pretty alright, even though I have more time to grow. Being a child of an immigrant parent raised in Texas; my South Indian heritage is something which I realize I never gave true importance to. Even though my parents always encouraged a healthy balance between my Indian culture and American identity, the social pressure to fit in always made me subdue aspects of my heritage that I probably shouldn’t have. 

 It’s strange to me how setting foot in Dublin changed that view of myself completely. When I first looked into Dublin, I was anxious about how I might not fit into Irish culture, or I might be looked at strangely for the color of my skin or the curls in my hair. But I never felt that way at all, in fact I was complimented more for having my wildly curly hair out and for wearing Jhumki’s with my attire here and there. My friends were more interested in my Indian culture and even more in my experience being a child with relaxed immigrant parents. People here were more interested in how I grew up with this mix rather than if I did things a certain way or spoke with a slight accent. Even though I have my groups and friendships that do these back home in Texas, it was refreshing to be accepted right off the bat. Due to this, I felt significantly more comfortable walking around alone at night in Dublin than in a lot of other places counting my own college campus.

Now after returning home and finishing my final semester of college, I realized that I kept those aspects of my growth with me. Listening to completely South Asian music, wanting to incorporate elements of Indian design into my everyday attire, learning more about my culture itself, and finding myself turn to Hinduism. However, being American to me is more than a passport now. American culture is made by immigrant culture, so being closer to my individual culture has inherently made me more American.

Maturity has made me realize that being an ABCD is what makes my journey unique, as well as a journey that I am excited to partake in. I’m excited to see how growing closer to my culture helps me evolve more as a person!